Midnight, 53.

I ordered a vodka and tonic at a really swanky bar tonight.

I met Ro and Curley and Konstantine and Katie and Beth at Jury's, and I paid 25$ for a beer, chicken fingers (since it was uh, 6:00 pm), and a vodka and tonic. Because, when I got there, everyone was drinking martini's or vodka & ____'s of sorts. And honestly, if I wanted to have any sort of fun, I needed to drink something that wasn't a beer.

I miss drinking before going out with my friends, and then just being silly and having fun when out.

It was honestly, so weird. Like, it was nice to be at a classy place, but seriously, I don't have that money.

And then, we went back to Curley's and played beirut. Which was, awesome. Like, so much fun. There was just one of those moments where you pause, and you realize that everyone is having a really good time, and you're happy, because you're a part of it. But then Curley got really drunk really fast, and Beth wanted to go to White Horse, so we had to take a CAB. A CAB. Granted, it was only 4$ each, but that's 4$ that I don't have to spare. I have to pay RENT tomorrow. But I can't pretend like it's that important, because like, ugh. It's not *that* important to any of them.

And then at White Horse, I was the one closest to the bar, so *obvi* I'm not going to only order myself a drink when Ro and Jane are standing behind me. So I get them each what they wanted, but then like, obvi, I didn't get it back. Ugh. It just sucks, not because I care, but because I need to save every little penny of what I can.

I friended Chris Curcio on Facebook, and it was nice to hear from him. Like, first kiss? Important. And Tina said it, she said that it's nice to have some sort of excitement back. And it is. I need *something*.

I just, do. And I hate saying that because I don't like to be the person who depends on someone, but Ty broke my heart. And I know we're not talking about that, but he honestly did. And I need someone to help me forget that. Well, don't NEED, but would like. To drink wine with me. To fucking sit on my bed with me and watch The Office...it's kind of pathetic, and I hate admitting it, but it's true.