Midnight.

The floor near the entrance to my door is lightly coated with spray glue, which really equals just dirty-floor-feeling. It keeps sticking to my socks, so hopefully it will wear off? I've given up on my rug, it's totally shot to hell with spray glue, paint, tea, and fuzz.

Ro and I went to Johnny's for dinner, and had amazing omelette's.

What's that one second of the day where the clock reads 12:00:00 where it's neither am nor pm, and just 00? It's a weird concept, if you think about it for a second...

School today was weird (how middle-school does that sound?) in the way that everyone thinks I'm some sort of over-achiever for mounting all my projects for our final crit. It's such an odd dynamic because I feel like no one is in the "I didn't go to art school for college so now I'm in art grad school and am ready to work my ass off" boat (please insert hyphens between all words in quotes...I'm lazy). They're there because they like it, and because they took a class or two in college in graphic design and that interested them. I'm totally not saying that I'm better than them or anything of the sort, I just find it odd that you *wouldn't* put your all into your final crit presentation and mount everything; after working for a semester on a handful of projects, why wouldn't you be proud of them and want to display them professionally? Even if it's only a 10 minute crit. Even if they tell you it's not a big deal. I feel like one of our professors has said that because they want to see what we do - where we take it, and how far we take it.

I put my "Graphic Communication" letter spacing things into a book. And I'm really excited, because I think it turned out really well. I just need to find a transparency, so I can make a front and back cover, but am trying to avoid buying a whole pack (have I mentioned that? Staples doesn't sell transparencies apparently, and the only other place I can think of that would have them would be Office Max? And that would suck - because there's none of those around here? And not vellum. Not acetate. Transparency. Ugh. ) and spending 30$. Because that's extensive.

This has developed into a rant about seemingly nothing...I had 4 cups of coffee at dinner and for once, it didn't make me tired. We just kept sitting, and drinking coffee, and sitting, and drinking coffee, and all of a sudden, it was 2 hours and 4 cups of coffee later. I'm not jittery, just not tired.

I want to eat the strawberry rhubarb pie that's been in my fridge from Amy, but it's 12:17 at night and that's gross. Maybe I'll have it for breakfast? That might be gross-er.

I want someone to be awake with. And to waste time with at 12:18 am on a Wednesday night (Thursday morning?).

...this is when things start to suck. And if I keep writing, I'll start writing about Ty. And I don't want to do that, because I've been eating. And not crying. And sleeping. And those are all good things. : )

Annual Thanks List

Mornings that smell like mornings.
Sundays.
Tostitos.
Friends that come through when life doesn't.
My mom.
The Boston Public Library.
Old friends.
New friends.
Big computer monitors.
Quiet holidays.
Hazelnut coffee.
Parades.
Photos.
Sight.
The ability to be passionate about something.
Self-motivation.
Doors shutting and others opening.
God giving you the tools to take care of yourself, even when you don't so.
Dinner parties.
Trader Joe's green tea.
Coffee addictions.
Cousins that miss you.
Hand written letters.
Comfy, full-size beds.
The ability to be strong.
Friends despite of distance.
Knowing what's right and doing it.
The continuous discovery of who I really am.
Target.
New jobs.
Rechargeable batteries.
Color.
Iron and Wine.
Having my favorite jeans from 8th grade fit me again.
Doing things that scare you.
Quality tap water.
Hand me down furniture.
A room that doubles as a studio.
Potter Puppet pals.
Knowing that I determine my own happiness.
Yellow hoodies.
An understanding family.
New York City blogs.
Remembering friends and family that have passed away and not being sad.
Apple picking.
Road trips.
Woot.
Cheap beer.
Cheap wine.
Spooning.
Televised gymnastic events.
Ikea kitchen utensils.
Pearl Arts & Crafts.
Being ok with the almost-but-not-quite suffocating quiet of 3 am.
Really really rainy days.
Dangly earrings.
Having friends to care about.
Having friends care about me.
Medication.
Ginger bread cookies from Michigan.
Snow.
Down comforters.
Looking up.
Looking down.
Looking back.
Knowing that I'm becoming me. For real.
Ice skating.
Adobe.

It's absurdly quiet at the moment, except for the man that just went to the bottle return at Blanchard's, and my roommate that just got something from the fridge. It's strange because it's only 9:07 pm. It's not like it's 2 am; it's a time when primetime television is on. And a time that most people are getting out of night class. But it's just odd.

And usually I don't like the quiet. Usually I find it suffocating, giving you nowhere to go, and providing you with no external stimulation outside of what's going on inside your own head. And I don't know if it's because of Ty that I haven't been able to do that, but it's nice to be ok with myself. And to be able to sit here. And enjoy my dinner. Without the tv on. Without post-rock for me to focus on or Children of Eden to sing along to.

It's just, nice.

And I know that's a terrible word choice since it's so terribly generic, but I feel like quiet is a generic thing. Just a thing that not many people take notice of.
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A girl in class tonight went to answer a question that was posed, and when asked to repeat the answer for the shear reason that the professor did not hear her response, she comments, after repeating it again and being asked to speak up again, "I don't want to repeat it, I think it's wrong". And this struck me as so funny, because the answer that she was muttering was, indeed, correct. It's amusing because this class is one of those times when you can tell the stark difference in maturity between a graduate student and an undergrad.

Things that are probably not good...

1. I took out chicken to cook for dinner on Sunday, didn't cook it because I went out with Suzi to get 2$ cheeseburgers (c'mon, you can't pass that up), and put it in the fridge. I ate it last night (you know, after I cooked it).
2. My pumpkin bread is significantly undercooked, even though I baked it for 70 minutes. I really like it though, because it's gooey. But good-gooey, not like, gross-under-cooked-gooey.
3. My yogurt has little chunks in it, but I think only because it's organic and is the weird fruit-on-the-bottom-kind.
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I watched home videos before I went to bed last night, and it was strange. I found myself watching the other people (the servers at my Sweet 16, the boy standing next to me at the piano competition), instead of watching myself or my family. I know what we look like, I have memories of what happened at these events, but I wasn't paying attention to the person serving me cake at the moment. And now they're on my home videos. It's a weird sort of connection, and makes you wonder how many home videos you're on. And if someone is wondering the same thing about you.

The high today is 62, and the low is 29. What's wrong with that picture? So much.

Untitled?

My boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue, broke my heart, might be destroying his life, and I decided to start a blog. Moving on is always harder than it seems in the movies (ok, so most things are way harder than they seem in the movies), and even though things only really hurt in the morning when it's the first thing that I think of, I decided things can always be worse. So this is how my life has been going recently, and I thought it would be good to do this. Without mentioning the boyfriend. And without dwelling. Some sort of, self preservation thing. That's not writing in my journal.

I stayed home for Thanksgiving and it was one of the best holidays ever. I did work, and made myself pizza, and drank wine. I watched the parade and made pumpkin bread. And then made pumpkin pudding and felt like one of those crazy-cat-lady-types that bake all the time and play with their cats. But. I don't like cats, with the exception of 2, and, ok, I guess I do love to bake. Regardless.

Folger's hazelnut coffee in on clearance, we're talking like, 50% off, at Shaw's, and that made my day.

I should probably mention that I write like I think, which is in all-over-the-place snippets. Unless I have something important to say, then it'll be unnecessarily wordy and over-thought.

And that's all. : )